Escaping Escapism

[This is going to be something of a bummer post, so apologies for that]

Today was my grandfather's funeral, and it has me thinking a lot about my relationships with friends and family. It's not that I haven't lost family before, nor was I closer to my grandfather than anyone else I've lost. But after losing enough family, I've found a groove that I tend to fall in to when dealing with tragedy.

As gamers, we have the ultimate means of escapism. Bluntly put, video games can act as a drug without all that business about legality or heart failure. They allow us to escape in to a reality that isn't our own, with characters, stories, and everything else able to serve as a perfect distraction that can last a lifetime.

This is how I've always dealt with death. I don't really go through my five stages of grief, I just shove a bunch of things in front of it so I can skip straight to "acceptance," or at least a facsimile of it. It's unhealthy, but it's always been the easiest route.

Not today. Ever since visiting him in hospice Saturday I've been evaluating my relationship with him and those around me. As he lay in a psuedo-coma, my last words to him were an apology for never really being around. And as that has continued to sink in, I realized that I could say that of almost every personal relationship in my life.

Gaming has given me a lot in life. My closest friendships are forged by shared interests, and as such the people I'm closest to are gamers. As I've said in the past these are no shallow relationships where we sit silently and play games. My best conversations have always happened while sitting on a couch and playing a game with a friend.

Unfortunately I've allowed "shared interests" to be my only developed way of establishing relationships. With my kids being the only interest we share, it can be hard to call someone out of the blue "just to talk," or drop by for a visit. I mean it works for occasional visits, but I don't really get to know my family because I feel like we don't have much to talk about after the initial back-and-forth of "so what's going in with you and the family?"

I never thought it was a problem before now. However, after enough regrets I'm seeing the importance of making relationships work, rather than letting them proceed organically. Similarly, it may even be time to stop hiding from.... well, emotion.

A counselor once told me that I need to deal with grief in a healthy way if I ever want to have the "human experience." That was a one-and-done moment because I didn't want to hear that, but now I'm seeing some wisdom to it. Being able to use video games to cope with pain or bond with friends is fine, but it can't be my only means of doing so.

I'm really not sure where to go from here. I definitely need to stop by and see my grandma in a few days, so that's a start. As for the grief thing, who knows. Maybe I am so well adjusted that I go through the 5 stages without realizing it, or perhaps I need to take time to break down the repression and look grief right in the eye.

If you guys are like me, I encourage you to take some time and evaluate whether it's a good thing. Whether gaming is used for good (bonding) or bad (escapism), moderation and variety are key. Appreciate the relationships you have now so that when friends or family eventually pass, you can say that you had a good run while they were around.


See you tomorrow.

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